Remembering Ashley
by Aerilon452
Summary: Helen is remembering Ashley when John comes to her.


Summary: Helen is remembering Ashley when John comes to her.

Rating: K

Pairing: John and Helen

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary.

Helen was sitting in her office, a fire blazing in the hearth to chase away the cold in her heart that had settled in on this day, the day of all days; Ashley's birthday. She had on her lap Ashley's baby album. And on one of the pages Helen fingered a lock of her beloved daughter's hair. It had come from Ashley first hair cut. Helen had had so much trouble getting her to sit still and then eventually had to give up with Ashley running around, her hair a messy chop of golden curls. Back then she had only shaken her head, as she did now. The memory brought a smile to Helen's face. Ashley had hours of boundless energy, a smile to light the darkest night, and so much life. But that life had been stolen by the Cabal. A wave of hatred boiled through Helen, it took all she had to beat it back down. There should be no hate, no anger on this day of remembrance.

"You seem so sad."

Helen turned to see John, cloaked in the shadows of her office. He looked dark, sinister, and evil, but he had not come to harm her. She had turned all the lights off, choosing to site in firelight, and John used the shadows to his advantage, "I'm not in the mood John," Helen whispered and turned back to one of the smiling photos of Ashley.

"I came for you," John moved, glided towards Helen. He could not stay away, no matter his hunt for Dana. She needed someone, Helen needed him. Even as she was loathe to admit it. Truth of it was, John needed to see Helen, he needed to look into her eyes and listen to the beat of her heart. John sat down, slowly, next to her and lightly skimmed his finger up her cheek. It was a small pleasure that she did not recoil from his touch, not like that night in the desert. That night seemed so far away.

Helen angled herself so her back was to him. She could bear for him to see the light that came to her eyes at his small admission. A tear slipped down her cheek as Johns arms came around her and pulled her back against him. Oh, he felt so good, such a small comfort on this day. Helen let out a shuddering sigh. In the dark John could be who he was, he could offer this comfort on they day their child had been born.

John rested his jaw against Helen's temple and breathed in her scent. It was a small comfort he offered, he knew this, but still he offered it to her. He looked down and saw his daughter as a small child; she had been all smiles and sunshine. So much he had missed of Ashley's life. John felt the pain of Ashley's loss like any father would, but he chose to deal in a different way. His choice had been to hunt the woman responsible, Dana Whitcomb was nearing the end of her life, but she gained a reprieve this night. As his thoughts darkened, his fingers traced small patters in Helen's bare arm.

"I want her back John, I want to hold her in my arms, and hear her laughing," Helen's voice broke as she turned the page, another page of Ashley's smiling face.

"If I could bring her back to you, I would, without hesitation," John laid a feather light kiss to Helen's temple. As much pain as Helen as endured this was the worst he had seen her go through.

Helen let his words, his small kiss sink into her mind, her skin. She relished every moment he was near her, he was her love, and still apart of her heart. It spoke volumes that he came to her, in the dead of night, but he still came to her, came for her. She felt herself relax into his hold, drawing in his warmth. For however long she had him here, she would draw strength form his touch.

Helen turned another page and came across a photo of Ashley sitting on a broken pillar of a run down temple in Greece. She had been so happy when she climbed up all by herself that was Ashley, always adventurous. If she fell down, she would pick herself back up and run around more. Another page, more smiles, more places around the world she had taken Ashley. Helen felt John's breathing even out, he had slipped into sleep. She moved out of his arms, put the album on the table, and stroked fingers lightly over his face. Helen knew her fingers were cold, it was sure to wake him. John twitched and opened his eyes. She said nothing, holding her hand out to him. Helen felt exhausted, sleep finally demanding she submit and succumb to darkness, but she would not be alone. John looked at her, questions flying through his eyes, "I want you to stay with me tonight."

John was floored, never would he thought Helen to ask him to stay with her. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes, see it in the way she stood, and he could just feel it. Tonight, he could tell, she didn't want to be alone whatever dreams brought to her in sleep. For this one time he would let his guard down, let him be a man, not a monster intent on hunting, tracking down the woman who stole the most precious light from Helen's eyes. John took her hand and let her pull him up. He caught her about the waist, teleported them to her room, and waited for her to make the next move.

Helen still held John's hand as she walked around to the side of the bed. She slid off her shoes and then moved to the center of the bed. John let go of her hand, removed his jacket, and slipped out of his own shoes before joining her. Helen was lying on her side, but as John joined her she molded herself to his side and let him envelop her again. Sleep claimed her, weaving a spell of dreams where Ashley was alive, smiling and laughing, and she was home.

**MORNING:**

John had been awake all night watching Helen sleep. He could tell that her dreams were pleasant, restful. This was how he wanted to be with her, stay with her, and just let the loss of his daughter consume his heart. His pain was no where near as great as Helen's but he felt it none the less. She rolled away from him, had her back to him, still in the grips of sleep. John moved closer and draped one arm over her waist. He had settled back down, going to let down his guard to sleep when he heard her whisper, "Tell me it was all a dream. Tell me that when I go down stairs Ashley will be there."

"I can't," John replied and felt Helen shudder in his arms. He pulled her close and let her tears fall.


End file.
